On Anger

Holding on to anger is like taking poison and waiting for someone else to die(courtesy writer)

Things not to do when we are angry:
* Holding to anger
* Shouting and screaming as a habit
* Saying things that we are going to regret        later
* Plotting against another
* Imagining, interpreting and assuming things
* Passing on the anger in the pecking order of hierarchy at workplace or home
* Talking behind someone's back or complaining
* Holding another responsible for one's anger although the other person could be a trigger for anger owing his/her nature.


How to help ourselves and others in such situations:

 *Avoid thought processes which are negative.
*Avoid being around people who constantly complain( are habituated fault finders)- ignore the behaviour and not the person.
* Under unavoidable circumstances where you cannot avoid a person's presence, remember that their anger most of the times is not about you but a reflection of themselves. Do not feel guilty or hold yourself responsible for their emotions unless you have wronged them.
* Be brave enough to say sorry. Nothing shameful about saying sorry.
* Be there for your kith and kin when they are angry - a hug helps sometimes.
*Ask for a hug when you are angry- that helps too :)
* Attempt your best to resolve situations but in cases where things get heated up, walk away temporarily and wait until everything has calmed down.
* Choose love over ego as the first option- Put your ego into the dustbin when it comes to relatives and friends.  When that doesn't work despite your being your most positive self enough number of times, silence helps. Walk away if required. Things get sorted out sooner or later.
*Adopt the practice of letting the other person who triggered the anger know that some action of his/hers has hurt you. The best time to do that is when the incident happens. Many a time, misunderstandings and misinterpretations are the cause for disharmony and disputes.
* Learn from your mistakes. Habit is a consistent way of being. Ignore the behaviour of perpetually angry people. They will calm down eventually and be their normal selves.
* Sometimes, it is a sad or hurt person who gets angry. Try identifying the root cause for the anger through desirable means and avoid situations which trigger the same in them.
*Distraction works. Do what you enjoy doing(hobby) when you get angry.
*Punch a pillow to take your anger out.
*Don't bring up past stories or incidents to link to the recent incident and create angry volcanic eruptions. Settle differences or misunderstandings on the spot.
*Always remember that no one is perfect. It is easy to find another's fault but difficult to identify one's own mistakes.
*Be open to constructive criticism but choose the person who you want to take it from. There are lots of "free advice givers" in this world but choosing your well-wishers is your choice.
*You are not responsible for the burden of the world- you can only help relieve a little bit of it as a well-wisher. Choose your people and paths wisely...sometimes, there are parasites who could use you to their benefit.
* We all make mistakes-let it be and let it go- this usually works in most of the cases.
*If the other person is a good and understanding friend, they would understand and if you are a good one, you will :)

Forgiveness

Believers- Lord, forgive them, for they know not that they know not.
Atheists- Forgive them, for their know not that they know not.
Agnostics- If you don't forgive them, then God will and if you forgive them, God will forgive them anyway if God exists and we don't know if he does exist. So, it is better to forgive anyway.
Others- Don't worry...just forgive.

At the end of the day, forgiveness is what is best for you and another. Forgive and if possible, forget. If you cannot forget, do the next best possible thing- don't repeat the same mistake in the same way. We all have died so many deaths in the past that we fail to realise that we all deserve to live many more lives. Only the sensible will not repeat the same mistake in the same way twice :)
And...when the blow is really hard, walk away until you give yourself time to recover.

P.S: Not applicable to antisocial activities.

Topic 2: Jhatpat Chatpat!- An intro

My recipes will hereafter be posted on http://jhatpatchatpat.blogspot.com/

The idea of this blog was given by Shweta. Raj helped design this blog.
The intent of the blog is to help
 singles try out simple/ easy/ tasty recipes and to add more life to cooking(for the initial contributors Vinatha, Mamta and Reshma). Many more homechefs are now actively contributing to the growth of this food blog.

Topic 1: On Creativity

Note to self:

Updated version:

* Create possibilities which make yourself and people around you smile.
*Create your "now" such that you live it without regrets.
* Create thoughts, words and actions which motivate not only you but also others around you to excel in their positive pursuits.
* Create time and space for people in your life, who have been there for you and for those who need you, to your best possible extent; but most importantly, create these for yourself first.
* Create roles, ideas and events which effect the higher good of  yourself and the society.
* Create boundaries- set limits for what is acceptable and what  isn't. This is important because "Just because you don't eat a lion, it does not mean that the lion will not eat you" ( credit to whoever wrote it).
* Create the life you wish to live but always remember that there is a higher power- Humility and modesty are important.
* Create an open mind:
 i) Be completely yourself with others- those who come back are the ones that stay. However, take your time to open up with everyone. You never know others' intent although you might not have one.
ii) Be open to others being open or not being open. Accept things the way they are and not the way you want them to be. All you can choose is how you want to respond to it.
iii) Create an environment of no-gossip by using silence as the technique. Those who gossip to you will gossip about you- that is for sure most of the times.
* Create relationships which are non judgemental and be non judgemental about people who judge. It is easy to get dragged into this quicksand.
* Create goals and set them realistically. Even better if you have a confidante help you out.
* Create positive meanings out of negative experiences.
*

....to be contd.